Soulcalibur III

Broken Page

"Tonight I will be streaming the first game ever made: Soul Calibur III!"

- Joel

Soul Calibur III is a fighting game created by Project Soul, the Namco internal development team responsible for the Soulcalibur franchise. It was released exclusively for the Playstation 2 in 2005 and is the sequel to Soul Calibur II.

Stream
On March 4, 2020, Joel was supposed to be streaming a playthrough of Soul Calibur III. The stream ended up becoming a trainwreck because he was shitposting more than actually playing the game. For much of the stream he was providing nonsensical commentary on his previous streams and begins to slowly lose his grip on reality, while the chat suffers a mental breakdown.

Perhaps all these years of streaming is really starting to take a toll on Joel...



Joel's commentary transcript
''So this is gonna be a commentary on a previous stream. So what I wanted to do with this (unintelligible) the Phantasmagoria finale and I really wanted to convey a strong message of "hey let's really finish this tonight, you know get it out tonight...". It's gonna be an incredible experience here, you know I had a lot of beef that night, and my anus was loose and I wanted to about taco salad because I felt it was a good talk to introduce the stream.''

''Really it's important that you conjugate a message of farts and poo poo; and what you need to do is you need to commit to it, you need to commit to a joke. What I did instead was I wasted everybody's time for six to seven hours. Six to seven hours of auditory and visual cock and ball torture... And what I instead did tonight is I take comedy and I pounded it out until it's so flat that nothing remains. That is comedy.''

''What you call when you die of thirst, well what is the word for that? Drowning! Exactly, so when I go out in the desert and I drown that's a common equivalent of what I try to do every night, you know I see a potential in a joke and I completely ruin it by doing this one track joke and it never ends! Now watching my own stream here I really gotta: how do you stand it? I think we have around 2,000 to 3,000 people every night who just love the feeling of diarrhea.''

''That's me on screen. That is the stream equivalent, right now on the stream is me. These two eyeballs that are looking in completely different directions is where I'm taking the stream tonight. From now on I'm not gonna do new streams. We're gonna do a different direction for the streams from now on, 2020. I will be chronologically going back in time and every stream will be just a commentary on my own stream. It's not recycled content, its premium content; deluxe content I call it. I call it golden content. Now what's important about golden content is that when you create content on YouTube, it's not really important to make anything. It's about taking other content and just talking over it. This is a proven successful format. Now you might say why even use your own content to do this? Because I can't even get Counter-Strike surf content to play in the background as I prattle on about shit that nobody cares about.''

''For me, streaming is doing it as cheap and bad as possible. So let's talk about this Phantasmagoria 2 stream I did. What I did this stream: I had a big plate of stinky fish. The stinky fish made me just in the mood to play a game for five hours and just burp and cough into the microphone... and what this encapsulated for me and I think a lot of other people resonated with this stream with this stream was that sometimes you burp into the microphone. And what is a burp exactly? Now some people might say it is acid reflex, it might just be gas in your stomach after consuming food, but really if you boil down what a burp is... It really is comes down to the essence of who we are. Burping and farting isn't really burping and farting, it's gas. Gas is essentially matter.''

''What is matter? What matters is us; we have to think about each other. The fact is in 2020 that there's still wars in the world makes me sad. What also made me really sad was that this game, it was ending. So what I was thinking burping having it a little worse in the world. Now as Kurtis here was about to engage in a sex scene, so was I. But not in a physical sex: an emotional burp sex. Now what's important about piss and burps is that it's something that comes out of the body. What also comes out of the body for me is streams, and when these streams materialize themselves, you have to take a stance and you have to think in your head, "if I end this joke now it's the point of no return."''

''Tomorrow I'll be doing another commentary on this commentary because I think it's important to reevaluate our content on YouTube and we're starting now the "Content 2" I call it - Content 2 is where you take something and you smack it with a mallet and you say "please stop", and you keep banging on the desk and you get something out of it. And what you get is people sending you emails saying "Joel, every single day your streams become pissier and pissier. They are drenched with the urinary smell that nobody else can accomplish. When you think of PS, you think of piss."''

''This is going to be the most long drawn out dumb joke that I ever done and I am looking for to an exit her somewhere. I'd really want to stop this joke and I cannot stop this joke because I don't know how to end it!''